How to win some Fosters

Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project – Steve, Bruce and Kevin.

Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”

Kevin says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.

Bruce says, “Where did you get that, Kev?”

“Steve’s wife gave it to me,”

Bruce replies. “That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?”

“Well not exactly,” Kevin said. “When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow’.

She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’

And I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Fosters you are’.”

Texan in Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, “And what are those”?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?

Australian National and State Holidays – 2013

Australian National
New Year’s Day, Tuesday 1 January
Australia Day Observance (ex NSW), Monday 28 January
Good Friday, Friday 29 March
Easter Saturday (ex WA & TAS), Saturday 30 March
Easter Monday, Monday 1 April
Anzac Day, Thursday 25 April
Queen’s Birthday (ex WA), Monday 10 June
Christmas Day, Wednesday 25 December
Boxing Day, Thursday 26 December

Australian Capital Territory
Canberra Day, Monday 11 March
Family & Community Day, Monday 30 September
Labour Day, Monday 7 October

New South Wales
Australia Day, Saturday 26 January
Easter Sunday, Sunday 31 March
Bank Holiday, Monday 5 August
Labour Day, Monday 7 October

Northern Territory
May Day, Monday 6 May
Picnic Day, Monday 5 August

Queensland
Labour Day, Monday 6 May
Brisbane Show Day, Wednesday 14 August

South Australia
Adelaide Cup Day, Monday 11 March
Labour Day, Monday 7 October
Proclamation Day, Thursday 26 December

Tasmania
Royal Hobart Regatta Day, Monday 11 February
Eight Hours Day, Monday 11 March
Easter Tuesday, Tuesday 2 April
Recreation Day (N. TAS), Monday 4 November

Victoria
Labour Day, Monday 11 March
Melbourne Cup Day, Tuesday 5 November

Western Australia
Labour Day, Monday 4 March
Foundation Day, Monday 3 June
Queen’s Birthday, Monday 30 September